Fail. Reflect. Learn. Grow.

by Mike Conaway

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1.
The World's End 04:10
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I brought them back These memories sitting in my mind And I thought that this could be the same Things change and I won't believe it I want everything to be how it was I can't let this one go I left that mark I punched the wall I am the one they know from long ago But I came back and nothing is the same And maybe at the world’s end none of this will matter anymore I think I lost myself I don't think I can put this one past me I need closure, I need the idea That I can still matter from what I've done And I am worth saving I left that mark I punched the wall I am the one they know from long ago But I came back and nothing is the same And maybe at the world’s end none of this will matter anymore I've rejected my life I put all of these notions behind me I hid my fear, I hid my pain I need to know that this armor can be torn off of me I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be loved I know this all can get better I can get better I left that mark I punched the wall I am the one they know from long ago But I came back and nothing is the same Maybe at the world’s end none of this will matter anymore
2.
Paper Towns 04:45
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I’m breaking to pieces And you won’t answer any of my words ‘Cause I’m the only living thing left in my room to keep warm But you are not an idea You are a person And maybe I’m in love with the idea of you and me being in the same room But you are a life, full of abundant laughter and living words And I can’t put past these thoughts of mine I was brought together then I left But I found myself again And then I lost my way in the wilderness Without the fires of friends’ eyes to light my way And I hope I can find it soon But that’s just my idea And maybe I’m in love with the idea of you and me being in the same room But you are a life, full of abundant laughter and living words And I can’t put past these thoughts of mine I’ve been stretching out my strings They’re about to break All these towns are made of paper and look so fake I lost my life living in these towns But maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do To lose my life to gain it back To find my way back in the blackness Lose my life to gain it back To find my way back in the blackness And maybe I’m in love with the idea of you and me being in the same room But I am a life, full of abundant laughter and living words And even though leaving is easy I will find my way I will find my way back Even though leaving is easy I will find my way I will find my way back
3.
Help Is Here 04:27
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I can’t help but see your face With tears streaming down your eyes And I had no words to say to you So I left your car and walked away I’m sorry that you’re hurting today And that I caused half of your pain Or maybe I didn’t but I’m so selfish I just care about your well being So what am I supposed to say? We all get hurt and down sometimes And I know today hurts like all hell But trust me when I say we both know how Things will change, we can change Help is here I know how it seems like I have everything together But I really don’t, I’m making it all up I’m not sure if anyone knows what they’re doing You’re not alone in these places We all feel too much sometimes If you need to stop and rest, it’s okay to stop and rest I won’t fake it if you do the same with me You’re not alone in these places There’s still a place for you here We all get hurt and down sometimes And I know today hurts like all hell But trust me when I say we both know how Things will change, we can change Help is here This pain, this hurt, I may not know it exactly But I walk with you through the joy and pain We all need each other I am here for you We all get hurt and down sometimes We all get hurt and down sometimes We all get hurt and down sometimes And I know today hurts like all hell But trust me when I say we both know how Things will change, we can change Help is here Hope is here Trust me when I say Things will change, we can change Help is here Hope is here
4.
We're Here 03:29
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And we’re here ‘cause we’re here ‘cause we’re here Because we are here because we are here And we’re here because we’re here because we are here Because we are here And I’m trying to understand that I’m trying to find what hope means to me When everything seems to fall apart There’s got to be something holding us together And we’re here ‘cause we’re here ‘cause we’re here Because we are here because we are here And we’re here because we’re here because we are here Because we are here Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that Sometimes I feel a million miles away Stuck in my own despair Wondering if there’s a point to me There’s a point to me And we’re here ‘cause we’re here ‘cause we’re here Because we are here because we are here And we’re here because we’re here because we are here Because we are here I know it seems like darkness has control And like there is no hope left Know you can change who you are And grow to defeat the darkness Know you’re never stuck in the same position You always have a change to move So don’t give up hope yet Never give up hope And we’re here ‘cause we’re here ‘cause we’re here Because we are here because we are here And we’re here because we’re here because we are here Because we are here
5.
Sanity Safe 05:47
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As I lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling A part of me is missing What once stood so bright and strong against the wall That held the words of a part of my life Has flown away and is now gone My heart races as I stare at the ceiling Wondering if things can all go back But a part of me is missing and is now gone Is my sanity safe? Am I still safe inside behind these locked doors? Maybe I should replace what’s missing With something better, something bigger I feel the need to replace the space that is now gone But maybe that’s where I start to learn Where I start to heal the wounds of my indifference That I can just replace the space that is now gone Is my sanity safe? Am I still safe inside behind these locked doors? I don’t know if going to be okay I don’t know if I’m going to make it out alive I don’t know what this going to do to me A part of me is missing A part of me is gone I’ve learned that you can’t just replace the broken part Sometimes you have to wrestle with the emptiness To really grasp what’s there in the first place It’s not the space that’s empty that matters But that the space is there And I can heal
6.
Air You Need 03:20
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We talked for hours And that’s what put you in my head And I saw you with a look on your face I watched your father die And tears streamed down my eyes And you were just in shock Can we go back to the start when nothing was falling apart? We walked down the road together Your hands were shaking so much I said I’ll be there if you need me I want to give you the space and air you need The space and air you need I had to tell all of your housemates and book a flight to Texas And watch the sun go down on your bright eyes The air is warm in April here But spring hasn’t completely come yet Can we make a new start when everything is falling apart? We walked down the road together Your hands were shaking so much I said I’ll be there if you need me I want to give you the space and air you need The space and air you need We bookmark these days when big events happen in our lives How come we focus on the bad ones? Maybe pain is the catalyst to our growth We walked down the road together Your hands were shaking so much I said I’ll be there if you need me I want to give you the space and air you need The space and air you need Pain is the catalyst to our growth
7.
If I Can Make It Through This Week 03:17
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I’m just trying to get through the day Even though today has felt like a week These weights are crushing my feet having to carry them all I wish I didn’t wait to do what I felt good about about a week ago If I can make it through this week I’m so tired You always told me to lay it down at your feet I’m trying so hard but I can’t seem to let go So I’m forcing myself to pick up the courage to carry on But this week is starting to feel like the end I just feel so drained I don’t feel like myself I feel emptied of everything that truly feels like me I wonder if you notice and see how much this is weighing on me I know that this weighs on you too If I can make it through this week I’m so tired You always told me to lay it down at your feet I’m trying so hard but I can’t seem to let go So I’m forcing myself to pick up the courage to carry on But this week is starting to feel like the end
8.
Pay My Rent On Time 04:02
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I’m feeling like a cheat Eating dinner from some Tupperware from a dinner I made last night Like I didn’t make it at all Like I’m incapable of feeding myself And my laptop don’t work I busted it up over the weekend And no one can seem to help I’ve got to do this myself While trying to get a loan for something I can’t afford And it doesn’t matter what I feel I just gotta keep going on, I just gotta keep going on and I’ve got to fulfill my duty as a functioning member of society Pay my bills, pay my rent on time I can’t help but feel like I have little time Even though I am trying to kill the time Until I go off and do what my schedule mind tells me to do And I have no energy to do what I like Even writing this down is a struggle to me ‘Cause what’s the point if I can’t finish what no one’s gonna hear or even like? What if I don’t like it myself? What if I can’t find the right chords? Am I just wasting time? Am I just wasting time? And it doesn’t matter what I feel I just gotta keep going on, I just gotta keep going on and I’ve got to fulfill my duty as a functioning member of society Pay my bills, pay my rent on time And it doesn’t matter what I feel I just gotta keep going on I just gotta keep going on
9.
Not On My Watch 04:34
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Don’t let these events get a hold of you Don’t let them corrupt your mind Don’t let the anger dwell inside of you I know you’re much stronger than that But you’ve been broken down You’ve fought for so long and want to give up But violence should not beget violence So take all of your pain and forge it together Let it burn deep down inside And turn it into action That is more beautiful than what you’ve seen No one should have to feel this pain Not on my watch You look deep down inside of you To see where you’ve gone wrong “What did I do to deserve all of this bad luck?” The rains fall on all peoples And you have a chance You have a chance to change the world with what you’ve experienced Take all of your pain and forge it together Let it burn deep down inside And turn it into action That is more beautiful than what you’ve seen No one should have to feel this pain Not on my watch You have a chance to change the world
10.
Rend 03:35
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I don’t what I did to make you say that I thought what was right was so very clear But I feel betrayed by all of your actions And I don’t know how to reconcile this I’m staring at the ceiling, thinking, not sleeping Take all the pride out of our hearts Give us new eyes And show us the way to change our minds Rend our hearts And don’t tell me that was the right thing to do And don’t tell me that you sleep alright at night With a great crown comes great responsibility “But I’ve failed too many times before” Don’t let that stop you from getting yourself back up Take all the pride out of our hearts Give us new eyes And show us the way to change our minds Rend our hearts I’m staring at the ceiling, thinking That I have failed too many times before “And don’t let that stop you from trying again” Take all the pride out of our hearts Give us new eyes And show us the way to change our minds Rend our hearts
11.
Here For A Reason 04:17
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I am looking through the glass and into the past Things that I have done Places I have been People I have met I am looking through a lens of how I see the past Where the good times were so good and the bad didn’t exist I’m trying to understand what that means to me now Why am I reliving the past And wishing I could go back I was able to avoid all my pain back then And I’ve grown and I’ve changed And so have my plans Can I recognize myself anymore? And I’m here for a reason I’m trying to understand that reason I’m searching for the way to help me understand What the past has told me What he past has taught me I’m searching for the truth at the center of my soul Where the thoughts that don’t leave me stay while I don’t move on The thoughts that I just can’t push away Why am I reliving the past And wishing I could go back I was able to avoid all my pain back then And I’ve grown and I’ve changed And so have my plans Can I recognize myself anymore? And I’m here for a reason I’m trying to understand that reason
12.
Númenor 05:30
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I’m feeling like a tidal wave Am I good enough for you? Am I special to you? Because miles away makes me feel like you are letting go But these characters in my mind make me think you’re by yourself And we are lost in a sea that will drown our hopes I’m falling I’m sinking I’m drowning and gasping for air And we hope that our dreams can get us out of this sea I have nothing to offer And I’ll never make it in this big wide open space Because there’s so many voices and it’s very hard to hear I just want to shout into the night, screaming truths And you can offer me your hands and brushes Paint the worlds that won’t come crashing down because there are no words And we are lost in a sea that will drown our hopes I’m falling I’m sinking I’m drowning and gasping for air And we hope that our dreams can get us out of this sea Who knows all? Who knows best? Who knows where we’ll end up after all of this? We just want to choose love to break our hearts To break the bonds of all our dreams I’m falling I’m sinking I’m drowning and gasping for air And the only one that can save us is the one who truly knows us The only one that can save us is the one who understands our feelings And can help us let them go
13.
Longing For Spring 07:47
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It’s days like today that make me ache for spring Pushing 60 with the smell of rain Middle of February but feels like early May I hear the tide roll on the beach With a breeze just cool enough to make me flinch And wish I had brought my better sweatshirt When I stand in its presence, I feel like there are no troubles Just excitement and the wind in my hair Knowing things are going to be better around the bend I can feel the weather start to break There’s a longing I feel in the weather There’s a longing I feel in myself How things don’t always seem to fit How I always seem to fall apart But even with how dark and cold things get in the winter There’s a longing that I feel for the springtime There’s always something getting in the way Forcing me to keeping going and not slow down To smell the air change around me No, I gotta keep going and going on I’ve got to get to that next deadline What happens in the in-between’s Where I don’t feel the weather speak to me There’s a longing I feel in the weather There’s a longing I feel in myself How things don’t always seem to fit How I always seem to fall apart But even with how dark and cold things get in the winter There’s a longing that I feel for the springtime I miss the days when spring was everything But now I just get hints of its touch When things are dim and hard to encounter I lose faith in everything I am I can’t reconcile myself internally But spring touches me and says to me “I’m almost there.” There’s a longing I feel in the weather There’s a longing I feel in myself How things don’t always seem to fit How I always seem to fall apart But even with how dark and cold things get in the winter There’s a longing that I feel for the springtime

credits

released September 24, 2021

All instruments performed by Mike Conaway.
All music and lyrics written by Mike Conaway.
Additional vocals on “We’re Here” by Cella Mahoney, John Baldassano, and Daniel Young.
Additional vocals on “Sanity Safe” by Cella Mahoney.

Album recording, production, mixing, and mastering by Mike Conaway.

Cover Art and Liner Notes art and design by Cella Mahoney (@cellabella_illustration)

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Mike Conaway New Jersey

Songwriter / multi-instrumentalist / singer

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